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I've been passed over for jobs due to my weight, and my insurance company specifically excludes any treatment for obesity. I've spent the last three years mostly indoors, hiding from the world, and at times my self-esteem has been nonexistent.
The day I realized that I wanted to live and discard the shroud that I had used as protection against the pain of losing my son came a few months ago, when I broke a toilet seat because I was so obese.
For the first time in years I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a person—not just a huge mound of flesh, but a real woman who was so guilt-ridden about not being able to save her son that she didn't think she was worthy of making the changes necessary to save herself.
But my thick waistline didn't equate to thick skin, and I hated knowing that those people assumed I was lazy or undisciplined or apathetic.
When I finally committed to losing the weight, my main motivation was better health.
Yes, I'm healthier and more fit than I used to be, but some well-meaning people seem to view me as a formerly overweight person who needs to be monitored.
One friend called recently, crowing that he'd "caught" me going to Taco Bell for lunch.
Especially when the person doing the judging is far from perfect herself.
Feeding My Emotions Blogger Audrey Holden (Iam Barking Mad.com), 41, Saratoga Springs, NY I was sitting against the plush black leather of the limousine as it carried me away from the grave of my 2-year-old son, Joshua, who had been killed days earlier after being struck by a pickup truck. With bitter tears running down my cheeks, I closed my eyes and pictured the platters of roast beef, creamy mashed potatoes and assorted pastries that my friends had lovingly set out at the wake.
But I also wanted others to see the strong, capable person I really was.
Now I've lost those 100 pounds and kept them off for over a year.